Well . . . We made it. I thought for sure that 2013 was going to be better than 2012. Easier maybe ~ more fun, more laughs. I didn't anticipate January 28, 2013. Never would have guessed that you were going to leave us. I needed you. I knew it, you knew it. We had Robot's big surgery coming up. I had {still have} gardening & other homemaking and LIFE questions to ask. There is a 4yr old little SpitFire that NEEDS her Twin SpitFire Vinnie. It kills me daily how much she misses you. My LittleOnes have no closure, their Vinnie was just ~ GONE. And it hurts. Oh how it hurts their little hearts that they couldn't see you. They couldn't say "GoodBye".
I can't even begin to imagine what they must be going through. To be so young and lose someone so vital to our Family ~ and NOT get to say GoodBye. Due to illness & schedules we made it to the hospital only twice during the 7 week ordeal. On Christmas Day & my Birthday. The four of us drove out to the Hospital together. Then the looks of pain & even betrayal in their eyes when they weren't allowed into the ward . . . I hope I lose those memories someday.
On the other hand, I have 3 wonderful memories to cling to {painful though they may be}.
1. After Thanksgiving {maybe 2 weeks before she got sick} the Family & I went out to the Farm and spent some time chatting with Vinnie & Papa. Vinnie & I talked and talked {as we always did} for well over an hour. We talked a lot about my sewing. She had never quite 'gotten the hang of it' & she wanted to know what I was learning and doing & even asked me to make some new curtains for her LivingRoom. I was honored! She passed her Mama's sewing machine down to me and we decided that I would come back
and pick it up in the new year . . . yeah ~ that hasn't yet happened. Maybe
someday soon. ♥ We just shared some wonderful fellowship and {as usual} I learned a thing or two.
2. On my Birthday {2 weeks before Vinnie left us} I got back to Gainesville for a 2nd visit. She was awake this time {unsedated} & lightly restrained {because she wanted to break out ~ hard headed Lady ♥ }.
Vinnie was upset & panicky ~ she absolutely DESPISED for her Grandchildren to see her in less than 'perfect' condition. I was so Thankful that I was able to soothe her and then talk to her. She couldn't speak due to a trache {that drove her bOnKeRs ): }, but I was able to understand a few things that she attempted to tell me. I told her about what the Children were up to {we had just signed Robot up for Piano & Ruffles for Ballet} and I even told her the secret about Hubbs' new job. I figured Vinnie deserved some Happy news - and she had been waiting to hear it! At one point during our visit she looked away from me for a moment. When she turned back, I saw the most heartbreaking expression in her eyes. It was bothering her again ~ that she wasn't perfect, and she so desperately wanted to be HOME. I did something that I would have NEVER in a thousand lifetimes have imagined myself doing to this Strong, Vivacious, Independent Woman. I cupped her face in my hand and shushed, cooed & comforted her as a child. I cried with her and told her how very much she was LOVED and that we were Praying & rooting for her to COME HOME SOON. {The prognosis was positive at that point. We were looking at another month or so to have Vinnie back in her home.} I kissed her goodnight, walked out into the main hallway . . . & cried like a helpless child.
3. The Last Day. They called us that morning - said Vinnie had developed blood poisoning. She was crashing & had very little time left. I told my Littles & held them while we cried. I called one of my Sisters to tell her and then arranged our drive over to Gainesville. We got dressed and then waited on Hubbs & AuntSister to arrive. At the rehab hospital {ironic right} we only had one chance to visit because there were so many Family members & Friends rushing over to say "GoodBye" {she was Blessed}. But it was a GOOD visit. Our Papa was there, holding her hand and AuntSister & I joined him. Vinnie was awake & aware of her surroundings and visitors. ALWAYS a Blessing.
AuntSister was 9 months pregnant at this time & we got to tell Vinnie some wonderful updates about BabyB. The nurses lowered her bed waaay down so she could see 'him' & I told Vinnie how much I would miss having him in there because when AuntSister laughed her belly shook like SantaClaus. Then {somehow} I made her laugh and Vinnie got to see the belly bounce ~ & she chuckled! ♥ I Pray that to my dying day I will always see the expression on her face as she 'talked' with us that morning. It was so priceless ~ full of wonder, awe & love at what was happening with the Families that SHE helped to create.
I fully believe that Grandmothers are one of God's truly GREATEST GIFTS to mankind ~ apart from Jesus & Salvation of course. (O; I have been extremely Blessed in my lifetime to have been Loved {& Loved WELL} by quite a few of them ~ 6 to be exact {with 2 still on this Earth}! These past 12 months have been . . . difficult, harsh, lacking, painful, empty . . . to say the least. I do still need my Vinnie, I was only just beginning to learn from her. At this point we
still haven't figured out the "how" of getting on with life without her, but I know that by just living our day to day ~ day by day ~ one morning we'll wake up and realize we've done it. We Love You Vinnie & Miss You ~ Daily.
♥ ♥ ♥
