Missing Vinnie

Well . . . We made it. I thought for sure that 2013 was going to be better than 2012. Easier maybe ~ more fun, more laughs. I didn't anticipate January 28, 2013. Never would have guessed that you were going to leave us. I needed you. I knew it, you knew it. We had Robot's big surgery coming up. I had {still have} gardening & other homemaking and LIFE questions to ask. There is a 4yr old little SpitFire that NEEDS her Twin SpitFire Vinnie. It kills me daily how much she misses you. My LittleOnes have no closure, their Vinnie was just ~ GONE. And it hurts. Oh how it hurts their little hearts that they couldn't see you. They couldn't say "GoodBye". 

I can't even begin to imagine what they must be going through. To be so young and lose someone so vital to our Family ~ and NOT get to say GoodBye. Due to illness & schedules we made it to the hospital only twice during the 7 week ordeal. On Christmas Day & my Birthday. The four of us drove out to the Hospital together. Then the looks of pain & even betrayal in their eyes when they weren't allowed into the ward . . . I hope I lose those memories someday. 

On the other hand, I have 3 wonderful memories to cling to {painful though they may be}.
1.  After Thanksgiving {maybe 2 weeks before she got sick} the Family & I went out to the Farm and spent some time chatting with Vinnie & Papa. Vinnie & I talked and talked {as we always did} for well over an hour. We talked a lot about my sewing. She had never quite 'gotten the hang of it' & she wanted to know what I was learning and doing & even asked me to make some new curtains for her LivingRoom. I was honored! She passed her Mama's sewing machine down to me and we decided that I would come back 
and pick it up in the new year . . . yeah ~ that hasn't yet happened. Maybe 
someday soon. ♥ We just shared some wonderful fellowship and {as usual} I learned a thing or two.

2.  On my Birthday {2 weeks before Vinnie left us} I got back to Gainesville for a 2nd visit. She was awake this time {unsedated} & lightly restrained {because she wanted to break out ~ hard headed Lady ♥ }. 

Vinnie was upset & panicky ~ she absolutely DESPISED for her Grandchildren to see her in less than 'perfect' condition. I was so Thankful that I was able to soothe her and then talk to her. She couldn't speak due to a trache {that drove her bOnKeRs ): }, but I was able to understand a few things that she attempted to tell me. I told her about what the Children were up to {we had just signed Robot up for Piano & Ruffles for Ballet} and I even told her the secret about Hubbs' new job. I figured Vinnie deserved some Happy news - and she had been waiting to hear it! At one point during our visit she looked away from me for a moment. When she turned back, I saw the most heartbreaking expression in her eyes. It was bothering her again ~ that she wasn't perfect, and she so desperately wanted to be HOME. I did something that I would have NEVER in a thousand lifetimes have imagined myself doing to this Strong, Vivacious, Independent Woman. I cupped her face in my hand and shushed, cooed & comforted her as a child. I cried with her and told her how very much she was LOVED and that we were Praying & rooting for her to COME HOME SOON. {The prognosis was positive at that point. We were looking at another month or so to have Vinnie back in her home.} I kissed her goodnight, walked out into the main hallway . . . & cried like a helpless child. 

3. The Last Day. They called us that morning - said Vinnie had developed blood poisoning. She was crashing & had very little time left. I told my Littles & held them while we cried. I called one of my Sisters to tell her and then arranged our drive over to Gainesville. We got dressed and then waited on Hubbs & AuntSister to arrive. At the rehab hospital {ironic right} we only had one chance to visit because there were so many Family members & Friends rushing over to say "GoodBye" {she was Blessed}. But it was a GOOD visit. Our Papa was there, holding her hand and AuntSister & I joined him. Vinnie was awake & aware of her surroundings and visitors. ALWAYS a Blessing. 
AuntSister was 9 months pregnant at this time & we got to tell Vinnie some wonderful updates about BabyB. The nurses lowered her bed waaay down so she could see 'him' & I told Vinnie how much I would miss having him in there because when AuntSister laughed her belly shook like SantaClaus. Then {somehow} I made her laugh and Vinnie got to see the belly bounce ~ & she chuckled! ♥  I Pray that to my dying day I will always see the expression on her face as she 'talked' with us that morning. It was so priceless ~ full of wonder, awe & love at what was happening with the Families that SHE helped to create. 

I fully believe that Grandmothers are one of God's truly GREATEST GIFTS to mankind ~ apart from Jesus & Salvation of course.  (O; I have been extremely Blessed in my lifetime to have been Loved {& Loved WELL} by quite a few of them ~ 6 to be exact {with 2 still on this Earth}!  These past 12 months have been . . . difficult, harsh, lacking, painful, empty . . . to say the least.  I do still need my Vinnie, I was only just beginning to learn from her. At this point we 
still haven't figured out the "how" of getting on with life without her, but I know that by just living our day to day ~ day by day ~ one morning we'll wake up and realize we've done it.  We Love You Vinnie & Miss You ~ Daily.  
♥ ♥ ♥ 

Weddings VS Marriage {Or 'Letting Go of Bitterness'!}

I decided to stay up late tonight, to hopefully get a bit of progress made on Ruffles' Halloween Costume {I did}. I found a short series on Netflix called 'Say Yes to the Dress:Randy Says'...usually 'SYTTD' leaves me feeling quite envious over the 'lack' in my Wedding Season {yes, even after almost 10 years}. Tonight however, I am Grateful. Grateful for a Husband that LOVES Me Endlessly & Spoils Me {as much as he can}. Grateful for another reminder that God STILL answers Prayer {mine yesterday was to erase lingering bitterness I carry in my heart...}. Grateful that in less than Three { !3! } Weeks, I will get to celebrate 10 Years of Marriage to the Most Wonderful Man that 'I Never Knew I Always Wanted'...even if we don't get to leave our little town to do it~I LOVE MTB TREMENDOUSLY. And I am GRATEFUL. ♥

I have come to grips with the reality that the 'family support' just wasn't there. I had no guidance on registration, planning, The Dress...anything. Okay~No Biggie. So I plan to BE THERE for Our Girl. I've watched other Mama's and 'studied' the Wedding Seasons of local Brides in recent years. 'Oh! That's how it's supposed to be done~Gotcha!'  Okay, that may sound bitter or sarcastic in your mind, but Seriously~I understand the 'why'~Even though I have two Mothers that Love me, neither of them got a Wedding at all. {In fact, we're still trying to convince our Daddy that he needs to 'Marry Mom RIGHT' one of these days.} So technically, they had no guidance to offer...

I have come to accept the fact that we had EXTREMELY limited funds to finance a Wedding. In fact, we I managed to 'DIY' the entire day for about $3000. That included my dress. {Side Note~Not only was that BEFORE Pinterest, but I didn't even know how to use the internet back then!} Yes, we both had full time jobs. Yes, we were given a few pre wedding gifts to use accordingly...but I had a Future MIL that was very ill and spent much time in hospital...40 mins away. And in the six {eight?} weeks leading up to the Wedding, she did not leave hospital due to a series of massive strokes that created much damage. We felt our time was much better spent with her. Sharing meals, sharing conversation, watching television, watching her sleep, keeping track of her care & well being. Driving 40 minutes one way {twice a day, 4-6 days a week} plus eating dinner can REALLY add up. So...there went our ''Last Minute Details'...'Fresh Floral Arrangements'...'Reception Refreshments'...'Honeymoon Funds'. ~And I wouldn't have it any other way. D knew that she was Loved. She knew that she was Cherished. And THAT is worth more than any Vera Wang Dress, Gorgeous Choreographed Ceremony, Rocking Reception & Fancy Honeymoon. Hands Down. Any Day. 

Still having a little trouble with the pictures though! { !-LOL-! } The. Pictures... Seriously...???...I just have no words to describe the 'awfulness' of that debacle! I say this jokingly now, but it actually took many years for M & I to get over recover from that experience. We met with {and paid most of the package price to} our photographer before we were actually engaged. M proposed in February {so romantic~but another story!} and it took until the end of August for the photographer to actually keep a date {aka NOT stand us up!} and do our engagement session. We were rushed. In our work clothes...and covered in mosquitoes. In our pictures there are literally mosquitoes feasting on us! Our package covered the Rehearsa & Dinner {he didn't show up}, PreWedding Prep {nada}, the Wedding {got that}, and Reception {got a few traditional 'corny' shots}. We celebrated our 1st Anniversary before we ever saw the proofs from the Wedding Day.  It took over three and a half years { !-3.5-! } to get our Wedding Album. We just took it out of the box {to display} this Summer. We really don't like to look at it~is that Sad? But our Kiddos love it. Bless Them.

But, as I stated before: Tonight I am Grateful. SO Very Grateful. And Yes~I would do it all again to marry M. ♥

My Dearest Little Loves

Sept 27, 2012  {12:05am}

Today was NOT A 'Great Day'. I was working on Sisters' 1st room {painting the closet} & ran out of paint about a minute too soon~literally. I couldn't get Brother to CON. CEN. TRATE. on his SchoolWork & even had to give spankin's at one point. Y'all were just all over me. All. Day. Made me understand why your Oma would 'change her name' all the time when I was growing up!  I needed some ALONE time. Some MOMMY time. A BREAK. And a Creative Outlet was in order...

I had EVERY intention of making bows tonight. We have vacation in 3 weeks...we are going to Disney World & have PROMISED you two a visit to Mickey's Halloween Party. Problem is~we have NO $$$ to buy tickets!!! I have an order to get out that will earn us almost enough for one ticket...and it needs to get finished so I can get paid! Not to mention I still have two little 'Cave People' costumes to begin...on top of every day life, schoolwork, chores, meals, errands, drs appts, a party in 2 wks and ongoing work in & on Sisters' room...

Instead of making bows {i.e. $$$}... I snuggled up on the sofa watching 'Dirty Jobs' & am now in the bed with the BOTH of you wrapped around my {Completely. Numb.} left arm...

I. Love. You. ♥

Java Part Deux

Ruffles has CoffeeBreath...Lil'Stinker.  ♥

Java

Such a FUN & Relaxing Day @ The Magic Kingdom  yesterday.  But now, I am TIRED!!!  We left our home A MESS for our impromptu mini vacation...and tonight we'll be headed out to purchase a new DISHWASHER {seriously?}...ours finally gave up. So...no cleaning to be done this evening.  I got about 5hrs of sleep before our WDW day & 5hrs after {yawn!}. 

Now I sit here trolling the Internet...listening to my kiddos play...trying to work up the energy to get our Stinky Selves UN~Stinkified { & on that note~has anyone else noticed that WDW "Stink" smells differently than normal everyday 'work up a good sweat' Stink...??? These are the questions I ponder... }.  

My point...??? Oh Yes.  I reach over to get my coffee, only to raise the cup to my lips for a nice warm drink...of nothing.  Ruffles has been sneaking my coffee!  And as I type this, she walked up & asked for more...I ♥ Our Kiddos...  ♥  ♥  ♥

No More Diapers!

Oh My~what a KrAzY Whirlwind my life has been lately!  We just got off of a week long vacation that SAVED. MY. NERVES.  I swear I was 'this close' to a mental breakdown...YIKES!  But, on the bright side...one of those KrAzY events was a VERY Good One~Potty Training COMPLETE!  {{ Whoop Whoop! }}  


Our Little Ruffles was is quite an opinionated and strong willed child {{@ only 2 1/2!}} and she would be the 1st to tell you that she did NOT like the potty.  She loved her "bipeys" and would continue to use them "always."  UhOh.  I had these terrible visions of sending her to AWANA every week with her diaper bag.  Visions of fights with a 4 year old over her "bebe" {{aka pacifier}} and "bipeys"!  And then it happened that about 6 or 7 wks ago, she started to ask to be changed immediately upon wetting or soiling her diaper.  It got to the point that instead of 3/4 of a pack of diapers/week, we went through 2 entire packs!  The last straw occurred on June 1....


We were waiting to be seated for my sister's HS Graduation and Ruffles informed me that she needed to be changed.  I told he she would have to wait~as we were jam packed into the atrium waiting to be allowed into the theater to be seated~and continued my conversation with another sister {{there are 7 of us}}.  After a few minutes I felt a pat on my arm {{I was holding Ruffles on my hip}}...I looked down and asked 


''Yes Ma'am?''
''Mommy, tan I pwease as' you a hwestion?"
"Of course, thank you for asking Love"
"Mommy, you 'memmer when I tol' you I needed my bipey shange?  You memmer?
"Yes, I do"
"Well, I 'till need it Mommy.  I all 'ticky tause I wet my bipey.  Tan you lease shange it now Mommy?  I neena new one, memmer?"


At this point, I looked at my Daddy and proclaimed "Yep~it's time".  I arranged that night to have another sister watch Robot for me one day the next week.  I was planning 'Operation No More Diapers' using this blog post by {The Moes Family}.  I knew that our Super Smart, Super Crafty Little Miss would NOT take well to pull ups.  I knew she would use them for what they really are~diapers...


The night before 'ONMD' commenced, I told Ruffles that when she woke up there would be no more diapers in the house.


"Dus a little bit more Mommy?  Dus a little bit more diapers? 'lease?"


LOL...she really did NOT like using the potty.  However the next morning came and she got her 'Big Girl' panties, undivided Mommy Time & LOTS of snacks and treats.  Our day actually turned out to be quite complicated {{including a dr visit and x rays for Ruffles}} but I won't go into detail.  Suffice it to say that after only a weekend and 2 wet pair of shoes ~with one DISGUSTING INCIDENT thrown in for good measure~our Ruffles was a Potty Using Lil' Diva.  {{ Turns out that she liked the sensation of warm wet tinkles down her leg WAY less than she liked using the potty!  }}


♥

Dirt & Oreos

{{ So. Stinkin'. TRUE. }} ♥

Breakfast of Champions

A girl after my own heart...all she wanted for breakfast this morning was "peanut buttah in my mouf!"  

{{ ♥♥♥ }}

Lovin' the Hubs

Today {{Friday April 20, 2012}} is "National Husband Appreciation Day"!  Go tell your hubs how much you appreciate him!  




I know ONE THING for certain...I  ♥ ♥ ♥  Mine to the Moon & Back Again!!!




♥ THANK YOU 'M' for being MY 'Bubby'!!! ♥

My Love & I at WDW in March 2012.

Ruffles, the Drama Queen

Have you ever had one of 'those' experiences that you wish SO BADLY had been captured on camera?  You know what I mean... ;)

We had one recently during our long tiring extended vacation to Walt Disney World.  We left on a Saturday morning and came home late the following Wednesday night.  I know, you're thinking "ummm...extended?"  YES.  It was LONG!!!

On Monday we had plans to meet up with The Hubs' oldest brother, his wife and their daughter for a day of FUN in the Magic Kingdom.  But the 1st thing on Ruffles agenda was to ''Doe tee Mitty Mouse."  Now, anyone who knows Ruffles...or even spends five minutes in her presence KNOWS that she is High Maintenance.  She doesn't like loud noises, sudden moves, masks, insane hats, elaborate costumes, anyone who isn't ME...and a whole list of other things!  But, she wanted to see 'The Mouse'.  Go Figure.

Well M&M were right next to where we ate lunch & there was only a 5 minute wait, so we decided to give it a shot.  Besides Robot LOVES to see the characters.  He always has.  We went right in to Mickey's dressing room, and Mickey & Minnie were mostly out of our site due to the huge steamer trunk opened in front of us.  We occasionally got a glimpse of ears as they walked around and posed for pictures.  So...here is an excerpt of Ruffles' monologue while waiting in line:

"I donna tee Mitty Mouse."

"I toe et~cited."

"I wait my tuwrn."

"I tee 'huwr' ears!"

{{to some random lady in line}} "Mitty Mouse is BIG as Mommy!"

"Minnie hewre too! I tee Minnie, Mommy!!!"

"I toe et~cited.  I wait my tuwrn."

"We nezt, Mommy? Oh, I toe et~cited."

We finally get to our turn & Ruffles & I stand back so Robot can have his turn first and she can have a few more seconds to assess the situation.  She decides to pass Mickey with a wave & go straight for Minnie...I stop in front of Minnie~not TOO close, but close enough & Minnie waves 'Hi'.  Ruffles says 'Hi Minnie, Hi." and volunteers her name to Minnie.  

She then turns to me with a stoic face and deadpan voice & says "I say hi.  To Minnie.  Mouse."  Then the head gets thrown back, the mouth opens and TORMENTED WAILING ensues.  "I DONE!  I DONE!  GET ME OUTTA HERE NOW!  I.  TOE.  DONE!  BYE MINNIE!  BYE MITTY!  I DONE!"

It took every ounce of "Mommy~ness" in me to comfort her and NOT. LAUGH.  But really...when you have a child as dramatic as that one, you eventually just have to enjoy it, or you'll go mad.  ;)

This picture was taken directly after "The Incident" while waiting for the parade to start.  An entirely NEW debacle for Miss Ruffles to be "DONE!" with~and a whole 'nother story, lol!  Here's to 'Magical Memories' with our loved ones! ;)

Can I Just Go Back to Bed?

You ever have one of those days?  


You know~the kind where you wake up on time, the coffee is GOOD, you get chores done, schoolwork done, the children get along and play beautifully...and when it's time to head out into the world everything just rolls together nicely...your hair is perfect, the only makeup you need is powder because your complexion looks GREAT & that perfect outfit practically leaps out of your closet ready to wear...yeah~I love that day...


That was so NOT today.


I woke up late, the coffee pot parts were buried under the dishes I forgot to wash last night, the children could NOT get along {{thankfully a VERY rare occurrence}}, and I just couldn't get it together to leave the house...ended up with jeans, a ruffled tank & cardi and my gold thong sandals...yes, it was cute and I'm glad I was able to look put together for the Hubs, but I wanted to wear a dress {{my every day wear}} and feel the warm breeze outside.  


WARNING~Rant Coming On!!!:  However the {{LOTS OF}} extra weight I currently carry around prohibited me from donning one of my summer dresses... )=  This will be fixed.  Soon.  Soon, as in I have appt with a Weight Loss & Nutritional Team on March 13.  Hopefully sooner if they have a cancellation.  I am SO READY.  And thankful that M is letting me do it...
RANT OVER!


Back to my day, lol.  I did manage to get the dishes washed, but now must choose between the piles of laundry covering my entire sectional sofa or the bow order that is due tomorrow...it may be an all nighter...An imperfect end to my imperfect day...


And I Am THANKFUL For EVERY Second Of It.

Ephesians 5:25 Love

My Sweet Husband hasn't had a proper closet in 3 years.  From the moment we learned we were pregnant with Ruffles {{March 27, 2009}}, his belongings have been relegated to one of those rickety 'travel' closets.  Sure, he had a few complaints, but he knew it was the only solution we had that was workable.  He is a BIG Believer in "Sacrificial Love"...it's what "marriage" is about...well...it's what marriage SHOULD be about.  Loving your Spouse as Christ LOVES His church.


My Bubby {{my nickname for the Hubbs}} works two jobs.  He graduated from college  {{Ruffles was 8 days old!}} with a degree in Geomatics and...something something something...basically he is a Licensed & Registered Surveyor in our state.  He also has a part time job working as tech support for our local Supervisor of Elections Office.  With election season upon us he is SUPER busy right now!  Besides working 10+ hours of OT for his regular job, M is logging quite a few hours at ''the other office'' as well.  


Except for today...today he got up early {{on his ONE DAY OFF}}...went to LOWES {{HE HATES LOWES}}...and bought supplies to build a new walk in closet.  For.  ME.  {{I do so love that man.}}  (=  


While trolling FaceBook a few minutes ago, I came across this video {{by a new artist that I am thoroughly enjoying BTW}} entitled 'Sex, Marriage & Fairy Tales//Spoken Word'.  Having already been humbled today by the Grace of God in blessing me with such an AMAZING Life Partner, I was increasingly grateful after watching the video.  I mean~I know that my 'M' is amazing {{didn't I just say that!?!}} but it always helps to be reminded.


Whether you are married or not, this video shares an important message regarding marriage and God's plan for it.  It is definitely a "MUST WATCH" in my book...Enjoy...

Mommy's Baby Girl

 I am SO VERY TIRED today...but I just couldn't resist my Lil'Ruffles this A.M. She lost her 'bebe' {{aka Pacifier}} and I heard her wake up {{because at 5 A.M. I was BARELY ASLEEP!}} and calmly say "UhOh~Bebe"..."Daaadyyy"..."Bebe~UhOh Bebe."  Well, said Daddy was sleeping VERY soundly and had to get up for work in two hours.  On the one hand I could reach over Robot {{who was contentedly taking up  MOST of the middle of our bed}} and nudge Daddy awake {{because I do LOVE that Ruffles call HIM in the wee hours!}}.  Or  I could get up myself~since I wasn't sleeping anyway~and get the plug.  However I knew if I did the latter I would not be going back to bed alone.  Sure enough~when I gave her the new bebe she lifted up her arms and sweetly informed me "Pumis Mommy Leap" {{Come With Mommy to Sleep}} and then she lay on my chest WIDE AWAKE for the next two hours!  She rolled and squirmed, occasionally trying out the pillow and mattress {{but only for a moment!}}, she would whisper and sing...and I. JUST. WANTED. TO. SLEEP.


First thing her Daddy said upon waking?  "Who is in my bed!?!"  {{I wonder if it was the fact that his hiney was barely hanging on the side that tipped him off to the newest occupant?}} "Everyone," I replied.  And Ruffles chimed in "I nuddle Mommy."  

Okay, so after two hours of the wriggling and whispering, I plopped her~ever so gently~back into her own bed, so we could both catch a few Zzzz's before we started our day {{very late at this point!}}

Now she is constantly coming up to me at the computer saying "I need Mommy" & "Rock Me Mommy"...I oblige.  Even though she is growing up WAY to fast into a 'Big Girl' she is PROUD to be 'Mommy's Baby Durl'...and I  ♥  it! (=